Aries: Happy birthday, past or upcoming. This is your season to celebrate! Your zodiac symbol is the ram, like the sheep. But let’s consider the other version of ram -- a computer’s RAM (Random Access Memory). Not only is that the name of French electronic music duo’s Daft Punk’s definitive best, and final, album, it’s also an apt metaphor for your upcoming month. Computers once had to cycle through all available data start to finish to retrieve a needed bit, but RAM allows them to access anything at random, speeding up the process. Like an old computer, you may feel compelled to wallow in nostalgia this month, running through your autobiography in chronological order over and over. Don’t do that. Randomly access whatever lessons you need from the past, and use that information only to direct your future.
Taurus: Spring cleaning time is upon us. This is the month to get all your affairs in order. Clean everything, top to bottom. Leave not a speck. Organize those drawers stuffed with used batteries and old receipts. Shampoo your carpets and bleach your bathroom. Once everything is tidy, you’ll find you can think clearer, and finally make those big decisions you’ve been weighing.
Gemini: This is the month to let your inner child roam free, get messy, and be wild! Do all the things you couldn’t do as a kid: roll in the mud and track dirt through the house, lick chocolate frosting off your hands, and fingerpaint with abandon. Better yet, do it at a Taurus’s house. They’re in need of some fun and inspiration.
Cancer: Have you noticed Scorpio is down in the dumps? You know, nothing cheers them up like April Fools’ Day. Here’s a classic prank: take a pastry with white frosting, scrape the frosting off, and pipe toothpaste on top instead --- the mintier the better. They’re sure to laugh and laugh after they bite into it, and not blame you at all. Overall, this is a good month for refreshing your approach to friendship, and leaning into your most jokey self.
Leo: Sun’s out, and what a better time to nap? It’s a month for luxuriating and marinating, for being slow and lazy. If anyone bothers you about extra work, dismiss them! You should catch up on sleep, or do your favorite low-key activities -- the puzzles and the TV binges and, of course, the books. Rest rejuvenates. Doctor’s orders.
Virgo: Can February March? No, but April May. What does this joke mean? No one really knows. It’s a satisfying format, for sure, taking something so mundane, and making us see humorous patterns it, like when you spot “HI” and “NO” in the alphabet’s arbitrary order. But the vagueness here, it leaves so many things unanswered. How can a month march? It is no person, not subject to timing its locomotion to an imperial rhythm. April may? It has the option to, it has free will? It can weigh options, roads taken and not, consider the full gravity of every consequence -- even I cannot do that. I just don’t know. I’m sorry. I wish I had some advice for you this month, but I doubt I’ve anything wise to say to anyone.
Libra: Has Pisces been acting extra friendly lately? Don’t fall for it, it’s all an act! You’re best advised to keep your distance from anyone vying too hard for your attention this month. Sometimes your cold shoulder is the best remedy for another’s hot head.
Scorpio: Feeling a bit blue lately? Don’t worry: a sweet surprise is coming soon from a Cancer. They are a pure soul with only your best intentions at heart, and no secret schemes to speak of. You can trust them fully. Overall, this is a good month to let others in, and believe people when they say nice things to you. It can be hard for you to take compliments, but I’m sorry, you’re going to have to learn.
Sagittarius: You’re perfect in every way and can do no wrong. Keep doing what you’re doing and please never change <3
Capricorn: With spring springing soon, there’s much to get done. Is your garden in need of extra preparation? Recruit a Leo to help you out. Hard work is good for the soul, and even better for the physique. This month is not one for rest, and not one for letting others rest. Your plans are extraordinary, and you’ll have no trouble convincing others to do the grunt work with you.
Aquarius: April’s showers bring May’s flowers. The saying has a literal edge: it originates from the UK, where the jet stream makes April a soggy month and flowers don’t bloom ‘til early May. There’s a deeper meaning too, as an idiom where one’s present suffering brings rewards in the future. I don’t agree with that sentiment, though. Climate change will alter the jet stream, affect flowers' blooming times, and throw seasons into disarray. Why must we toil for some unseen future benefit when soon there will be no difference between April or May or December? Don’t put off your pleasure for the future.
Pisces: Has Libra been acting extra distant lately? Don’t fall for it, it’s all an act! You’re best advised to keep pursuing anyone acting too cool and aloof this month. If you keep going, even the most reluctant people will RSVP to your inviting nature.
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And if you’re looking for more astrological insights, I recommend
checking out “Postcolonial Astrology: Reading the Planets through
Capital, Power, and Labor” by one of my favorite astrologers of all
time, Alice Sparkly Cat. Click here to buy a copy from us: https://eagleeyebooks.com/book/9781623175306 |
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